How to Overcome Your Childhood?
(How to Overcome Your Childhood?) By Reading It.
Many peoples had to deal with the effects of boosting up in a dysfunctional family. Wounded by our parents’ words, anger, and actions, we can continue to feel like children long after leaving home (which may be at an early age).
We are not independent until we solve these issues. What an emotional distance of our caregivers and role models. We were often left feeling alone and empty.
We may even have adopted the negative self-image and lack of self-worth instilled in us as children.
Since then, we’ve been on a life-long quest for that which our family could not provide: acceptance, love, security, and affirmation.
When we look to others to fill the voids in our self-esteem, we often turn to drugs or alcohol to soothe our anxiety.
For many of us, growing up has been a series of failed relationships with spouses, boyfriends/girlfriends, co-workers, teachers…anyone that we have looked to in hopes of filling the emptiness inside.
The Pain of Longing:
We experience “the pain of longing” and accept the false promises of others because we so desperately need someone to love and value us.
The problem is that we often come to expect and accept less than what we deserve, settling for scraps while lamenting our lot in life. We may even believe that we don’t deserve love and affection.
As a result, we remain stuck in the past – locked within our dysfunctional relationship patterns – unable to truly commit or experience the closeness we desperately need and desire. We need to look at ourselves internally outside for fulfillment and validation regularly, but it never comes.
Some of us may become very angry and bitter to the point of unconsciously sabotaging our relationships when we get close to others. It’s time for that to end.
To change, we Must understand how we got here, challenge the self-defeating beliefs that imprison us/hurt us, and begin a new life in recovery.
We must expand our idea of what it means to be loved and decide to love ourselves—the first thing to get rid of the Parents is to rediscover our true selves.
The Loving Parent:
This “loving parent” internalization usually occurs within a healthy, loving relationship with another person – often a therapist, sponsor, close friend, or spiritual advisor.
Together, we can create an internal Parent/Child dialogue that will replace the negative messages of our childhood and add new perspectives and beliefs about ourselves and others.
The Parent Within is a set of positive inner dialogues between your adult self and your Higher Power (no matter what you call this Higher Power – God, the Universe, the Great Spirit).
The Parent Within can also be a positive dialogue with your Inner Child (the innocent and vulnerable part of you that never had the chance to grow up in a functional family). You can use what I like to call the “Three A’s of Recovery” – Awareness, Acceptance, and Action – to help you in this process.
You can realize that something is wrong, except that it’s a problem, and then take action through positive inner dialogue to create a healthier perspective about yourself.
For example: What would be different if you viewed yourself as “loveable” rather than “unlovable?”
What If You Believed that People Could love You for Who You are, Not What They Can Get from You?
There are many paths to recovery. Many of us go through the Twelve Steps in some form or fashion.
You may choose to begin with meditation and prayer. Or perhaps a more interactive process such as journaling or attending an Al-anon/Alanon meeting would be a better starting point.
It’s essential to find the path that works best for you and your recovery and then commit to it.
Recovery is a Process for Long Life, and there You Learn and Explore:
We must be patient with ourselves and continuos moving for the future.
These steps help you to overcome your childhood.
Let go of the past – we all have a history of relationships that we would like to forget or rewrite.
While it may be painful, there is no use in focusing on “should have, could have, would have” because you allow your past to define your future. Instead, stand in the present moment and get what you need today.
If you are reading this article right now, it means that you’re on a journey of recovery, so be thankful for that! When you’re feeling down or discouraged about the past, remind yourself how far you’ve come and how much you’ve grown.
But Remember: Growth is Not Always Comfortable.
It doesn’t always feel good while we’re going through it. It’s easy to get caught up in our feelings and judge ourselves for not feeling better quickly enough or feeling too much (hurt, anger, fear, sadness).
Be patient with yourself and your process, and know that it’s okay to be human. Most importantly: Love yourself today! Kiss your inner Child goodnight, hug them, and tell them how much you love them.
Then repeat this process every night before bedtime until the negative messages of your childhood are replaced with positive affirmations about yourself.
You begin to talk kindly to yourself, and you will treat yourself like your parents should have treated you. Patience, acceptance, and understanding are all tools necessary for recovery.
We discussed how to overcome Your childhood, and what you have learned from reading it. I have learned that I need to start being kinder, loving and caring towards myself.
The steps you follow should be dynamic and unique to your individual needs, not a checklist that must be followed in order.
As you feel more comfortable about each step, move on to the next one.
Make time for yourself, don’t let life pass you by bc if you constantly focus on what-ifs and whys, you’ll end up with no time to do stuff you want to.
Also, I’ve realized that I need to learn to be alone without feeling lonely because I’m so used to having people around me constantly.
But what matters is that I love myself for who I am regardless of whether or not someone can love me back.
If people don’t like me, then it’s their loss because they’ll never know how wonderful I could be 🙂